Maybe it’s just the change from hot sunny days to…hot overcast days (no one told the NY weather that Fall is supposed to be cold), but I’ve been struggling with motivation lately.
At the end of each quarter I get a few weeks of excitement. I have multiple RSU vesting dates, and in August I also got a raise and bonus. Yay! Only that excitement is now almost two full months past, and the next big rush doesn’t come until mid-November with more RSUs vesting. I know how spoiled this sounds; “Oh poor baby doesn’t get his next pile of extra money for two more months.” But this is my life now, and I’m just not a patient person.
My other big initiative has been to get in better shape. For months, I’ve been working out 30-40 minutes daily and attempting to eat better. For a while, things were going well. I noticed a change in my body and the scale seemed to reflect what I was seeing. But a whole summer of drinking beer, eating BBQ and having more cheat meals than I should and I’m right back where I started. What’s even more annoying is that I discovered my scale was broken to the tune of 20 lbs, so I’m feeling wildly out of shape. I’m cutting out alcohol on weekdays and paying much closer attention to what I’m eating, since exercise alone doesn’t seem to put a dent in my weight.
I’m seven weeks out from having my third kid, which is a huge stress with the insane rules doctors and hospitals have put in place. I have the choice of either staying at the hospital for three days without ever setting foot outside or seeing my existing kids, or saying hello to my newborn son, hopping in the car and heading home, not seeing my wife or baby for two days. Plus the baby is coming right before Thanksgiving, and I’m just waiting for the political war on Thanksgiving. Traditionally I happen to love Thanksgiving and spending time with friends and family while being off of work for a week, but this year I’m just not feeling like it’s going to be the same.
Add in a couple more financial setbacks; 1- it looks like no matter how I try to cheap out, we’re going to need a bigger car, and 2- I just laid out the down payment to replace the rest of the windows in my house.
Let me start with the windows. Fuck home infrastructure. Seriously. When I bought the house I was super excited that it had a new roof and siding, and knew I’d dodged a $40-50k bullet with that. Since I’ve moved in I’ve replaced the boiler, hot water heater, windows, pool liner, pool pump, driveway, decking, and added central air. The windows alone totaled almost $30k. I wish I could be one of those assholes that just lets my house rot around me, ultimately sticking the next guy with the problems, but THAT’S WHO I BOUGHT THE HOUSE FROM!!!
The car. Goddammit I hate cars. Does anyone really need a vehicle larger than a Toyota Highlander? NO! But then try putting three car seats in the car plus a stroller, and you’re suddenly out of space. Yes, 80% of the time the car is just hauling 1-2 people and using one car seat. Yes, I could rent a bigger car every time I plan to put the whole family in the car. Yes, I know owning an extra-bigass-SUV is insanely impractical. But I just don’t see any other options (he says while plainly ignoring all minivans).
Finally there’s work. I love my job and my company. With the baby coming, and a lot of paternity leave on the horizon, I just don’t feel like committing myself to anything. This has left me feeling aloof and very unmotivated. I’m basically just riding out the next two months and hoping to get back into it fully motivated after the holidays. As someone that always feels like I should be pushing to do more, this feels wrong even though I know I need to take some time for me and my family.
I’m hoping to push past this stretch of failing motivation in October and take some steps to deal with the stresses and issues before the baby comes.
Freed by 50 