At the end of 2019 I had a party at my house, and during that party I found myself in a heated debate with my cousin and a friend of mine about youth soccer. Here in New York, as with many other areas, youth soccer has become an almost all consuming lifestyle choice. I have friends and family that I haven’t seen in months because their every weekend, holiday, and most weeknights are taken over by youth soccer. To compound the issue, all of the adults have thrown themselves headlong into this lifestyle to an absurd fault.
“It’s not like it was when we played sports.” (Yes it is)
“You have to do this if you want your kids to play in high school or college.” (No you don’t)
“You’ll understand when your kids are older.” (I understand perfectly fine now)
“My kid is playing two age groups above he’s so good.” (So many people have said this to me about their kids that it seems like this is just normal)
The above quotes are things I’ve heard from virtually every parent that has taken up this lifestyle. It’s almost like a script that a cult leader has given them to perpetuate their belief in the youth sports life. Here’s the problem: I don’t understand the goal.
Lets take a step back for a minute. I played youth sports. All of them. Soccer, baseball, basketball, lacrosse. We didn’t have youth football or I would have played that too. I sucked at basketball. Like most kids in the US, I grew out of soccer even though in my final seasons I played on an invitation only travel team. My true love was baseball, and I played right up until junior high school when I played my last season of little league, again on an invitation only travel team, alongside my first season of lacrosse. I then played lacrosse winter, spring, summer, and fall all the way through college and beyond. I understand a dedication to sports like few people do.
My parents didn’t have the money to sign me up for the fancy little league (the one you see on ESPN in the Little League World Series), and until high school, all of my equipment for every sport came from Play It Again Sports, a company that sells used sports equipment. We couldn’t pay the dues or travel costs for most of the travel leagues, which back in the 80s and 90s really only traveled to other nearby towns. I went to one, $300 one-week long lacrosse camp in the summers during junior high and high school to be with my team and to eventually get scouted. I went to the college of my choice on a full lacrosse scholarship.
Was I the best on my team? Far from it. Was I a standout player? Doubtful. Did I play with the best? Yes. Did I spend a decade of my young life marketing myself to coaches? Nope. Did I burn myself out playing lacrosse year round? Yes, and so did most of my friends.
After one year I gave up my free ride to go to a different college on partial scholarship. I walked on as a starter, and spent the rest of my time focused on education and having a good time. I don’t regret this decision, or the money I had to pay to make up for my forfeit scholarship.
The current fanatical obsession with youth sports seems horribly misguided and skewed far too much towards the parents than the kids. It is in part, a status symbol. I watch people brag about the costs they’re paying to keep their kids on the best teams in the best leagues with the best private coaches. It’s part bragging rights (see “my kid is so good” above). It’s a lifestyle destined to burn out both kids and parents, profiting mainly the leagues, which today are full on businesses.
Back to the discussion with my cousin and my friend. Having laid out my concerns, I was immediately attacked for being glib. Since my kids aren’t playing sports in the current youth sports climate, I couldn’t possibly understand. What’s more, when I do understand, it’ll be too late and I’ll have to follow in their footsteps if I ever hope to have my kids play anything, or get a scholarship.
I still don’t understand if the end goal is free college, or prestige for the kids, or just to enjoy a sport. Enjoying the sport seems right out, as this lifestyle is all consuming and seems to put undue pressure on eight year olds. Prestige for the kids, I’m not sure. There’s not a lot of prestige in winning at youth sports outside of high school. And even then the goal is usually to parlay that prestige into college savings. So I’ll have to assume all of the effort is to get a scholarship.
My cousin retired at 27, not because she was rich, but because she married a man who made enough money for her to focus on raising her kids. Good for her! I was shocked to learn that she’d returned to work in 2019, not because her husband was reaching retirement age, or because her kids have both been in school full time for years, but because they were struggling to pay for their kids lifestyles. Travel soccer, travel lacrosse, and all the Vineyard Vines and Under Armor clothes had taken up the lion’s share of their disposable income. So rather than sacrifice one of their four yearly vacations, or cut back on the trendy labels, my cousin is back to work.
The friend who was taking part in the discussion has had to cut back on his overtime at work in order to take the kids to their various games and practices. This has lead to cutbacks in other areas of his life due to the lost overtime. For instance, his wife is in her 40s and still has tens of thousands of dollars in college loans. But, we all make sacrifices for our kids to enjoy their lives, so I understand to a point.
Now both of these people have freely admitted to me that each having two kids playing in multiple soccer leagues costs them thousands a year. I’ve since found out that they were talking about almost ten thousand dollars per year. Each of their oldest kids is 12, and each of them has been at this for five or six years.
I’m always calculating financials when I look at just about anything, and this is what bothers me the most. If the goal is to send one’s kids to college for free, the thought of spending thousands of dollars a year for over a decade, just to save money for four years of college is wildly misguided.
In this case, we can assume that each household is spending $10k/year on sports, equipment, and travel. If instead, each family were to put $10,000 per year into a modest investment account, earning the average 7% return per year, from six years old to the time they graduated college at 23, each of these families would have laid out about $180k in cash, and would have around $340k to pay into college. Is it enough to pay off a full college education? Maybe. Or maybe their kids really are good enough to earn a scholarship. Imagine how much better off they’d be starting out their life with $340k to split!
I’m not saying their kids shouldn’t play sports, I’m saying there are plenty of youth leagues that are much cheaper and require much less demand on free time. I wholeheartedly believe that kids need the camaraderie that occurs on the field, I also believe they need unstructured play time in their lives. And a well set up financial structure at home couldn’t hurt as well.
I’ll never see eye to eye with my cousin, or my friend, or anyone else living vicariously through their young kids on this issue. They’ll never see it my way. I’ll also never be in the same situation as them because everyone’s situation is different. For me, I’d like to let my kids enjoy playing sports if they want to without putting so much pressure on them. If it turns out they’re really good at it, or want to play more, I’m happy to support them to a point. I’m also happy to say that because I’ve been saving money on their behalf since their birth, I shouldn’t have to drive my kids to early burn out in order to pay for college.
Freed by 50 